Venting Frustration

I'm in the office today. Not quite back up to snuff but I needed some files from the office computer. Now that I am here, sitting still is good.

Slept horribly last night.

Kept dreaming about an evangelist who kept trying to date me but then would tell me I'm going to hell because of his mental defect. That and I got a job as an ad layout person for a news paper and fought all night with trying to make the links work... only to realize (after I woke) that news papers are printed - links don't work.

That and Paul hogged the bed so I ended up moving to the couch to sleep around 2:00. But then he got up for work at 5 am... so once again I'm woken up. And he's banging around looking for his socks! I tried to get up and fetch his socks so he would just get the BLEEP out of my room, but he kept saying "I ALREADY LOOKED THERE!" Screwyouthan - I went back to bed for more restless sleep. Guess where I found his socks this morning... Go on, guess. Ya! Somewhere he'd already looked! MEN! Stupid Simians!

If he weren't such a tard about just grabbing what he needed from the dryer and made the effort to maybe, oh I don't know, move the wet load into the dryer and bring the entire dry load up from the basement, maybe, just maybe, his missing socks would just magically appear! How hard is it to change the loads while he's down there?

Ok. Done venting. I should have made a bigger fuss about how hard chemo was last time because it 's way harder this time with 1/2 my white cell count being wiped out. And it's going to be worse for the next round. Over the past couple days it WOULD have been a heroic effort for me to get up and down the stairs to do laundry. It's been a massive effort for me to sit upright on the couch and NOT tear strips out of his useless hide. (That's just me being over tired and cranky.)

I don't enjoy the balance of being sick and putting up a brave front so people don't feel as helpless because I am sick. You are how you act so acting better should make me feel better. I'm just not strong enough to keep it up all the time. Stop worrying and just let me be sick. I shouldn't have to be worrying about making sure the man feels useful. Don't wake me at 5 am to assure me the alarm ha been set for 7:15, I'm trying to sleep! Stop asking me want I want to eat because I don't know! Stop making idle conversation, the chatter is sooooo irritating and I don't have the strength to pay attention to the words, let alone reply appropriately! - - - Irritation will change back to normalcy in 5 minutes - subject to becoming irritated again imminent.