Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Measure of Strength

I'm soooooo weak! I think I have strength, but then when I call on it... nothing.

Yesterday I went to Mrs. Kanaff's to supervise some garden reconstruction. And that's all that I was asked to do - supervise. But it's not in my nature to just sit there. "Never ask anyone to do something you are not willing to do yourself." Willing and capable are not the same thing!

I did a bit of weeding, dug up about 6 or 7 perennials and dug some of the holes for transplanting them to better places. Several times I had to stop, gasping for breath. A few times melted completely down, sitting on the grass while my temperature spiked and my vision briefly faded in and out. I decided to stick to the easy projects and spent the rest of the day snipping Mrs. Kanaff's topiaries back into shape.

The long walk (20 yards) to the back of here yard to dump weeds and back (plod... plod... plod... ) just about wiped me out. By the time I got home I could barely summon the strength to sit up. Showering off the garden dirt would have to wait.
That tiny bit of gardening was worse to my putting in a 12 hour day of hard core mural painting. I was exhausted at a cellular level. Sooooo weak!

I can't wait to start getting some strength back. The doc said radiation treatments will create a lot of fatigue too. And it could take up to a year to recover. That makes me want to cry.

You know that theory where energy begets energy, and if you work out you'll have more energy... not in this case. I have a very finite amount of energy and when I use that up... that's all there is.

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