Silver Lining

Found another silver lining. This preventative maintenance thing is my guarantee for life... All you other folk will never know for sure!
This is my good week. 8 more days of feeling like a normal, healthy human being.

Patternmaking Tips for Bras

Hey! Look what I found on Instructables!:
Patternmaking Tips for Bras

Unattainable Goal

I was so hoping to make the effort to get some exercise and try to loose little weight through this experience. But now I see that it simply isn't going to happen. How can I expect myself to get 20 min of aerobic exercise in when I can't remain upright? When climbing the stairs to do laundry leaves me winded, do I really want to go for a 5k walk? what if at the farthest point I just get so tired I can't turn around and come back?

Went to the grocery store on Friday after work. Spent about an hour and took my time. There were several moments when I felt light headed and a touch feverish. But I mustered through and brought home the bacon (for the big spinach salad).

Dark leafy greens are the answer. Over the past few days while I was feeling particularly weak, I gave into my craving for garbage food - greasy fish and chips with mayo, Hamburger Helper... WRONG! I don't need preservatives and chemical power substances that become sauces. I need vitamins and fiber. Iron for energy!

Had a good breakfast this morning too: an omelet with bacon, spinach, broccoli, mushroom, onion and cheddar. I tore and wilted the spinach it in the hot bacon fat, then set it aside to drain on paper towel. Then I sauteed the mushroom, onion and broccoli florets so they were soft with a bit of caramelization. When the egg was 1/2 cooked through, I spread the ingredients inside with a bit of cheddar and folded it in half. Put a bit more shredded cheddar on top and covered with a lid off the heat while I waited for toast to pop. So indulging... but good for the tummy and the soul.

Venting Frustration

I'm in the office today. Not quite back up to snuff but I needed some files from the office computer. Now that I am here, sitting still is good.

Slept horribly last night.

Kept dreaming about an evangelist who kept trying to date me but then would tell me I'm going to hell because of his mental defect. That and I got a job as an ad layout person for a news paper and fought all night with trying to make the links work... only to realize (after I woke) that news papers are printed - links don't work.

That and Paul hogged the bed so I ended up moving to the couch to sleep around 2:00. But then he got up for work at 5 am... so once again I'm woken up. And he's banging around looking for his socks! I tried to get up and fetch his socks so he would just get the BLEEP out of my room, but he kept saying "I ALREADY LOOKED THERE!" Screwyouthan - I went back to bed for more restless sleep. Guess where I found his socks this morning... Go on, guess. Ya! Somewhere he'd already looked! MEN! Stupid Simians!

If he weren't such a tard about just grabbing what he needed from the dryer and made the effort to maybe, oh I don't know, move the wet load into the dryer and bring the entire dry load up from the basement, maybe, just maybe, his missing socks would just magically appear! How hard is it to change the loads while he's down there?

Ok. Done venting. I should have made a bigger fuss about how hard chemo was last time because it 's way harder this time with 1/2 my white cell count being wiped out. And it's going to be worse for the next round. Over the past couple days it WOULD have been a heroic effort for me to get up and down the stairs to do laundry. It's been a massive effort for me to sit upright on the couch and NOT tear strips out of his useless hide. (That's just me being over tired and cranky.)

I don't enjoy the balance of being sick and putting up a brave front so people don't feel as helpless because I am sick. You are how you act so acting better should make me feel better. I'm just not strong enough to keep it up all the time. Stop worrying and just let me be sick. I shouldn't have to be worrying about making sure the man feels useful. Don't wake me at 5 am to assure me the alarm ha been set for 7:15, I'm trying to sleep! Stop asking me want I want to eat because I don't know! Stop making idle conversation, the chatter is sooooo irritating and I don't have the strength to pay attention to the words, let alone reply appropriately! - - - Irritation will change back to normalcy in 5 minutes - subject to becoming irritated again imminent.

Stay Home - Good Call

I opted to work from home today. It was a good call. I did most of my work while laid out flat on my back. Every time I would try to sit up my brain would get sluggish, my head would get hot and my breathing would get shallow. Within minutes I would melt back down. Thank goodness for laptops, eh? Ya - the iMack would have gotten heavy on my tummy after a while.

Even so I got a good long day in. Finished my notes for a free download paper and got the layout for a website done. Got an invoice out for a design project I've been working on for the last month. Got approval for a logo and confirmation for the content of a business card.

Is it just me? What is not clear about this sentence: "Please provide and confirm all the content you would like to have appear on your printed material." Time and time I have to ask repeatedly for the information... finally give up and go hunting for all the information I think they might want, get that confirmed and even then the client will make at least 2 changes after that.
By the hour!! I must charge by the hour!!! Per project sucks. My time is not respected.

Paul's working late tonight. he could be home any time. I made Hamburger Helper with broccoli. It can wait.

My nasal passages are grossing me out. It's not like cold boogers or allergy snot, but I keep producing this disgusting slime. It tastes bad and I'm sick of it. No amount of brushing seems to help. I can't decide wether it's mucus production or the lining of my passages sloughing off.

My head feels clammy but it's dry to the touch and not hot. I took my temperature an hour ago. Normal. No fever.

I hope tomorrow is better.

I Feel Like Kaka

Seriously! I feel gross today. First time ever that I opted to come home from work due to illness. I crawled onto the couch and buried myself in blankets. And there I lay from 2 in the afternoon until Paul came home with fish n' chips for dinner. I managed to sit up long enough to eat that but then had to lay back down again. Completely wiped out!

I finally felt strong enough to sit up around 9:30ish. Just enough time to do an update on the woodcraft website and prepare some logo roughs for the nanny. No point in actually taking some time off.

It bugs me that my head is either too hot or too cold. I'm looking forward to not being bald again... Few more months yet.

Chemo Round 2 - Day 4

Feeling 98% - kind of like a hangover from 3 days back only without the fever and headache... just a few butterflies on the inside. Massive doses of poison will do that. ;-))

I do have limited energy levels and when I try to push it, like doing the laundry, I have to make up for it by curling up on the couch for a couple hours to recoup. Awe, poor me. I have to take a nap now and again. Life could be worse.

Not so afraid of my stomach this time around. Must be wary of putting food on TOP of the nasty steroid pill. Last one I need to take is at dinner tonight. If I don't burry it with food the heartburn is nasty. Even so, my mouth constantly tastes blechky. And why do I keep smelling cat pee?! Am I super sensitive to old messes (which I can't find when I go looking) or is that my insides that smell like ammonia? It's not pleasant. Brush, brush, brush the teeth.

Got lots of computer work done this weekend. Nice to get a few things off the books. (Would be nicer if some of my outstanding clients would get back to me... Duck Dude)